Looking Back ~ Never Enough of God In My Life

Bringing in a new year has caused me to pause and reflect on the year of 2007. Many exciting events have taken place in 2007 that have changed my life. Not the least of these changing events was the adoption of my son on August 17th, 2007.

Anytime a child is brought into a family it is inevitable that life will change. This is especially true when a child is adopted at the age of 34 months, (2 years and 10 months, for those of you who, like me, are a little math challenged.) by a woman who was very comfortable with her very quiet, orderly, organized, neat, and often very selfish lifestyle.

Needless to say, my home is no longer quiet. Nor, is it orderly, organized, and neat. More often than not one would be likely to find my home in a state of cluttered, messy, chaos. However, I am happy to admit, the adoption of this miracle child has forced me to become less selfish and more dependent upon the Lord. I wish that I could say that giving up some of my selfish desires has come easily. However, the truth of the matter is that I am a fighter, and tend to give up my selfish desires only when I am forced to do so, and then only while kicking and screaming.

Another of the changes that this wonderful addition to my life has brought about is, I have a renewed desire to grow closer to my precious Savior; Jesus Christ. This desire was cultivated not only by my son’s adoption, and the realization that I want to give my very best to my efforts to raise him in a home where God is placed first above all else, but also by the faith and witness of one very special woman; Lysa TerKeurst.

For those of you who may not know Lysa, she is the President of Proverbs 31 Ministries, co-host of the ministries national radio program and she is the award winning author of several books, including her latest release, What Happens When Women Walk in Faith, as well as What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, Leading Women to the Heart of God, and many other wonderful titles. She is the featured writer for the monthly magazine, P31 Woman and has had her work published in other publications such as Focus on the Family magazine and Crown Financial Ministries’ Money Matters.

My first encounter with Lysa was through reading some of her online devotions, posted at http://proverbs31.gospelcom.net/. The second encounter I experienced with Lysa was at a women’s retreat in Sullivan Indiana during the early summer of last year. Lysa was to be the keynote speaker and I was so excited about attending the conference. At this time I was knee deep in the roller-coaster ride of emotions surrounding my son being in our home in foster care, and it was uncertain when if ever we would be blessed to adopt him. I had high hopes that I would gain a fresh perspective on life at this conference, and Lysa did not disappoint me, nor were my expectations of a life-changing experience left wanting.

Lysa’s Biblical insights were life changing, she was inspiring, fresh funny and clearly on fire for the Lord; and she mixed every topic that she shared with personal stories that were real and moved my heart. Also at this event, she gave a challenge to all women who were either women’s ministry leaders, writers, speakers, or who hoped to one day be a part of leading women to God through one of these avenues; to attend “She Speaks,” an annual conference hosted by Proverbs 31 ministries. When she extended the offer to join her at “She Speaks,” in June I knew that I had to attend.

So, in June of 2007, I packed my bags and headed off to Charlotte, North Carolina to attend a conference that for me has started the reawakening of my soul, and my absolute desire to serve my King with every fiber of my being.

Little did I know the changes in my heart and life that were in store for me, during and after this conference. Not only did this conference revolutionize the way I view my relationship with God, but it also gave me the opportunity to meet many other women, from all over the country, which also have a deep desire to serve the Lord. One of those women was Renee Swope, who just happens to also be a member of the Proverbs 31 ministry team and will be coming to Highland to present a wonderful series called “Searching for God’s Treasure in Everyday Life,” on March 28th and 29th. This event will challenge you to reach for God’s treasure by embracing His love and His grace in a whole new way.

As I look back on the events of last year, I can’t help but look forward to the new-year. I realize that for all of my spiritual growth and my resolve to change, I am still just a fallen sinner and I will continue to struggle to grow my relationship with Christ. I have realized that many times during this past year I have been like Lysa TerKeurst admitted in her blog posting of Tuesday January 1st entitled, “The Song of My Rag Tag Soul.” Lysa said: “I have been obedient but only to a certain point. I have been good but I am not holy. I have faith but still struggle with the desire to be put in a position to really have to practice it.” (For the entire article by Lysa go to: http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/2008/01/song-of-my-rag-tag-soul.html)

I can so relate to what Lysa said. Maybe you can too. I know that my desire to grow a greater relationship with my savior is strong, but I find myself saying; “Lord, no matter how much I grow in you it will never be enough for me! I want to give you everything, yet I struggle with my human frailties. My greatest prayer is to serve you with great abandon. To allow you to be so real in my life that I love nothing more than taking delight in our bond. I desire to say yes to your every request, and to make you known throughout the world! I desire to have nothing delight me more than singing your praise through the way I live my life.” So, although I have never been one to make new-year’s resolutions, this year I am making some. Here they are.

1) I resolve to continue to listen for God to speak to me and,
2) I resolve to do my very best to follow His direction.
3) I resolve to continue to strive to lay down my selfish desires and cherish every gift God sends my way, as they have been many.
4) I resolve to extend grace, grace, grace, to those, also imperfect, souls with whom I find myself doing life with.
5) And most of all; I resolve to not beat myself up when I am less than perfect and find that at the end of 2008 I must make these same resolutions all over again. Because, let’s be honest folks; there is not ever going to be a day when I will be perfect at maintaining these resolutions, at least this side of glory.

PS – If you are on a spiritual journey of your own and wish to grow closer to the Lord in 2008, I encourage you to make plans now to attend the women’s mini-retreat with Renee Swope on March 28th and 29th. (Go to http://hccrobinson.com/ for more information or look for more information coming soon in the church bulletin.) Come hungry and seeking. I know you won’t leave disappointed!

God Is Calling

I have been pondering many things in life lately. The biggest thought on my mind however, is this, “How can I better serve God?” I have such a desire to give God my best every day and in every way! But, sometimes I get bogged down with the details of how to best go about serving Him.

So, I decided to do what any woman in my position should do. I decided to pray, and pray, and then pray some more. I know that God has great plans to use me. After all He told me so in Jeremiah 29:11 when He said, “I know the plans I have for you, . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. (NIV)”

I also know that right now my desire to really know the Lord is a driving force in my life. Further, I know that He has placed a calling on my life. So, I prayed and asked God to give me a life verse. I wanted to know what God would reveal. This is what He spoke to me, “I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will guide you with knowledge and understanding. (Jeremiah 3:15, NLT)”

At first, I really struggled with this verse. I questioned how God would work in my life through this revelation. I wanted to know who the “shepherd” would be that would come into my life and guide me with knowledge and understanding. For some time, I got bogged down with an error in interpretation. I was looking for someone to feed me, when what God was really trying to tell me was, “that I was to be that shepherd!” God was calling me to step up to the plate and share what He has revealed during my journey with Him. Oh my, talk about becoming filled with terror!

As I began to wrestle with this new wrinkle in my revelation, I thought to myself, God I have the first part of that verse down. I really do wish to be your shepherd and I desire to seek your heart. Your heart of service, Your heart of love, Your heart of compassion, Your heart of patience, Your heart for the things that will give You honor; but dear Lord I am so lacking in knowledge and understanding. Then the arguing, whining and complaining started in. “Lord, are you sure that this is to be my life verse?” “Lord, do you really know what you are asking me to do?” “Don’t you remember when I . . .?”

Of course, God was not going to let me weasel out of my responsibility, and little by little I began to realize that God was not asking me to be a walking encyclopedia of the Bible. He was not asking me to be a biblical “know-it-all.” He did not call me to understand all of His ways. He made it clear in I Timothy 3:16, the mystery of godliness is great. However, He did call me to share the love of Jesus with others, therefore making me one of His shepherds.

Having just finished co-leading, a nine-week Bible study utilizing the book “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God,” by Lysa TerKeurst, I am once again struck by the fact that I, in all my human frailty and failings, have been called by God Most High to lead a Women’s Ministry program. As the women who faithfully attended that study can testify, I am not nearly perfect, nor am I a walking encyclopedia of the Bible! However, through the study I did my best to share with the women what God has been working on in my life. I tried to share my faults transparently, and share how God was so faithful to see me through.

Hopefully, the ladies that shared this time with me realized that one does not need to be perfect to serve the Lord. His only requirement is that we willingly share His love with the world. Your calling may not be to lead a women’s ministry program, or to write devotionals. God could be calling you to cook a meal, collect food donations, form a praise band, host an in-home Bible study, sign-up for the church clean-up day, or any number of other ministry opportunities.

I would like to leave you with a bit of encouragement to join me on my journey, as I humbly “say yes” to God. Won’t you agree, with me to, accept our assignment, both the seemingly insurmountable, and the everyday mundane?
I ask that you join me in prayer for discernment and direction as God continues to refine us and adapt us to do the work of “our calling!” Please pray that we will have ears to hear and feet to follow His perfect plan!

The Interview With God

I was led to a wonderful web site this morning and I had to share it with all of you. Once you link to the page, click on "view presentation," and become refueled and inspired. http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/

Yet Another Blog to Share

If you are in the bible study class "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God," and even if you are not but want to learn to say "yes" to Him, this link will inspire you. It is from the Proverbs 31 daily devotion for Friday, October 26th and is written by Marybeth Whalen. It is entitled: Living Life Aware. Click and enjoy!! http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/

Another Blog to Share

Rachel Olsen, national speaker with Proverbs 31, gave a really good example of a way to make your time in the word come alive and I wanted to share it with you. Click and enjoy. http://www.rachelolsen.blogspot.com/

Blog to Share

Rachel Olson had a very profound article today on the P31 blog page and I wanted to share it with you. Click and enjoy! http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/

Shepherd After His Heart

Life; it trips me up sometimes. I find myself serving my own selfish wants, needs and desires and fail to serve my precious Jesus. How often am I afflicted with this dry spiritual condition? Shamefully I say, more times than I wish to count. Are you sometimes overcome with life and suffer from failings and shame too?

You and I are not alone. Look at what the Lord told Jeremiah to speak to the people of Israel.

“Therefore, go and give this message to Israel, This is what the Lord says: O Israel, my faithless people, come home to me again, for I am merciful. I will not be angry with you forever. Only acknowledge your guilt. Admit that you rebelled against the Lord your God and committed adultery against him by worshiping idols under every green tree. Confess that you refused to listen to my voice. I, the Lord, have spoken!” ~ Jeremiah 3:12 - 13 (NLT)

During these dry periods, I find that I am worshiping the idol of self-interest, putting my desires before the desire to serve the Lord. When spiritual weakness strikes me, and I give in to self-interest, the last thought on my mind is to acknowledge my guilt before the Lord. It should be my first response. Better yet, my goal should always be to guard my heart and mind from living a self-centered life in the first place. Knowing that, at least while trapped in this human form, I will be unable to prevent myself from occasionally falling victim to the sin and idolatry of self-centeredness is no excuse for not trying to remain God focused, Christ driven, and Holy Spirit filled.

When I do fall, and I know that I will fall, I must acknowledge my guilt. The sooner the better! Keeping my focus on myself will only lead me to experience more suffering and pain. When I am able to step away from myself and agree with God, confessing that my behavior was wrong, the grip of sin immediately must depart. God will not burn in anger against me. He loves me, and He will rejoice that I have confessed my guilt.

Thankfully, God does not leave me to my own interpretation of what sin is. He defines sin for me clearly in His word. For me to be faithful to God’s direction for my life, I must be able to hear Him speaking to me. The Lord does his talking through His word, by speaking to us during prayer and through taking time to just be quiet in His presence. This means I must read the Bible. I must make time to speak to the Lord in prayer, and I must take the time to be quiet listen for Him to speak to me.

Jeremiah 3: 12-13, speaks about a homecoming, a return from separation from God. Sin in my life is what causes me to become alienated from God. God doesn’t move away from me; rather I move away from Him. The longer I fail to confess my sin and restore my relationship with the Lord, the more my soul becomes dry and thirsty.

Just recently I sinfully, and shamefully, allowed myself to experience a dry season in my walk with the Lord. On the outside I looked as one who had it all together. Things in my life had been running pretty smoothly. I had been blessed with finalizing the adoption of my son. My job was going well. My marriage was on a firm foundation. Yes, on the outside things looked grand.

Oh, but on the inside. On the inside I had allowed one disappointment, which led to anger, to begin to corrode my connection to God. No, God didn’t move away from me, God was still by my side. He was not pleased with my actions; yet His love was and continues to be never failing.

Out of stubborn pride and a selfish view of my circumstances, I allowed myself to feel justified in my anger. I did not take my disappointment and hurt to God. Nor, did I speak with the human source of my hurt to convey my feelings and work things out. Rather, I squished my emotions down deep inside and let them begin to drain the joy from my life. It didn’t take long for this unconfessed sin, and idolatry of self, to grow into even more anger. I began to notice that I was angry a lot! I was snapping at my husband. I was snapping at my son. I was snapping at my co-workers. I was even angry with myself. I was angry about everything and in every situation!

Then, during my third week of wrestling with my anger I also encountered some negative behavioral issues with my son and my emotional dam broke. My hardened heart and my carrying capacity for dealing with my sin on my own terms reached overload.

Needless to say my son suffered as an outlet for my explosion, and I was overcome by a tsunami of shame and guilt. I cried out to God; “Father I can’t do this anymore. I am angry, and I don’t want to be! I don’t want those I love to suffer because of my lack of obedience. Lord, forgive me and guide me back to the place where your Spirit abides within me. Help me to once again hear your voice and give me the strength to obey Your direction.”

I believe now that the behavior issues that my son was displaying was in fact a direct result of my mannerisms, my angry behavior, my lack of impulse control and my inability to model appropriate behavior to life stressors for him. How humbling is that?

I am so grateful that my Jesus is a loving savior. I am thankful that He did not leave me in my place of darkness and sin. I am humbled by the depth of His love; in that even while I was living in sin His love for me was constant. I also stand in awe at His perfect sense of timing. You see, the day that my emotional dam broke was a Sunday and I was to begin teaching the first in a series of bible study lessons at church that very evening. Had I not confessed my sin and been humbled to a point of repentance, I would have been totally ineffective at presenting God’s word to the women of that class. However, because I was able to confess and repent, in fact agreeing with God that I am a broken vessel, I was able to remove myself from the equation and ask the Holy Spirit to fill me and to speak through me during class. I was even able to share this story; to share my human weakness.

So often when I sin, and then finally come to my senses and confess and repent, God allows me to share with others what He taught me through my ordeal. For me, that is a wonderful and most treasured gift from God. Jeremiah 3:15 speaks of shepherds who will lead with God's heart. It is my desire to be this type of leader, shepherding with "knowledge and understanding” that only comes from seeking God's will every day.

I have come to treasure the words of II Corinthians 4:17; “our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” (NKJV) I know that I will have desert moments in my life, and seasons of dryness in my heart. I know that I will experience affliction, either self inflicted or world inflicted. But, Praise His Holy Name, it is my desire to allow Him to work through that affliction to shine for Him and give him eternal glory.


Related Study Verses:

“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” Ephesians 4:26 (MSG) [emphasis mine]

“Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God's righteousness doesn't grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.” James 4: 19 – 21 (MSG) [emphasis mine]